Saturday... I was really looking forward to sleeping in today. Yeah, right! Not only was I woken by the 2 littlest kids, Emma (3) and Ayva (21 months).. My back hurt so bad from my mattress, I had no other choice but to arise for the day.. At 7:34am. (sighs)
After a good daily dosage of the Disney channels cup 'o cheer, I have resolved to do as little as possible today. And then, the phone rings. I can see on the caller id that it's my ex, the father of my kids, 'he who shall not be named'! Now, let me clarify. I'm not a crazy ex-gfriend, irony dwell on his life, but you have to understand that this man had complete control over every aspect of my life for 10 years. I swear I suffered from Stockholm Syndrom, I always defend his actions and still feel sympathy for him and it's completely irrational for me, especially after all he has done. Now, the last time I saw this man, he was a blubbering drunk at a family members wedding. It was not pretty. It was just after 'the incident' and emotions were still raw from myself and his family. I will explain 'the incident' later, it's a doozy, you'll want to tune in.
So haven't had a civil conversation with him in almost a month, I wasn't expecting him to actually respond by calling, after I reached out to him yesterday via email. All I emailed was if he was going to get the kids on his court appointed day, yesterday,and gave him my home phone number. After 'the incident' I got a new cell phone and refused to give him my number and forbade his family to do the same.
So, after not really seeing his kids in almost two months and not communicating with me in over a month, what do you think our conversation was about? What could he possibly have said? Brace yourselves... 'i'm playing on a softball tournament down the street, if you want to brung the kids over and watch me' I was screaming on the inside 'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!!' seriously, um no.. I don't want to sit out in the hot sun, with 4 kids watching a man I loathe play baseball with a bunch of red neck drunks! And, who the eff are you to think I would go do that? We aren't dating, I'm not your wife, she's in Missouri, (long story, we will get there, I promise). Seriously, what are you thinking? Uggg!
So, you know what I replied to his question? 'ok, maybe!' What the hell Deanna! What is wrong with you? (slaps forwhead with palm of hand)! And THEN, he calls back adking if I have folding chairs they can borrow... My response? 'sure, come on over and get them'. Ugg, why do I let this happen? I should be yelling, screaming, kicking, something OTHER than complying!
I told you I'm not a mean person by nature. Very honest, trusting and naive... Ok gullible. I am an optimist, thinking everyone has honest and good intentions. I can't change that part of myself. We are hardwired that way. I am realistic about things though. I always stay hopeful, but I am realistic.
So why am I contemplating going over there to watch him play? It's not for thr kids sake, they could care less, I think I'm starting to get lonely so I need to resist 'the urge to fall back in with talking to him. I will not give him my number! I will not go over there.
Oh, good! I just got a text invite to a 1yr olds birthday party of a cousin of a friend of mine. That's a hood excuse right?
I'll check back at the end of the day to tell you all what happened. Maybe I'll explain 'the incident' for you!
Ta ta for now!